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The morning of my wedding, I unzipped my garment bag expecting lace and silk... and pulled out a full clown costume. Red nose. Rainbow wig. Giant shoes. My future mother-in-law had switched it in secret because she was sure I'd do exactly what she wanted: break down, cancel the ceremony, and prove I was never Montgomery material. Instead, I had my makeup artist perfect my face, I stepped into the polka dots, and I decided that if Patricia wanted a performance, I was going to give her one she would never recover from.